Okay. So, my dad sends an e-mail to a bunch of family members today, talking about my little, half-brother’s baseball team or something. Anyways, at the very end, he says: (Carrie, give us a call so we can plan when you come visit us in Nashville this summer.)
I think the last time that I talked to my dad was Christmas. I can’t even remember. He doesn’t try and communicate with me. He obviously doesn’t care about what goes on in my life. Plus, when he does call me, he just hands the phone over to my half-brother (who is a douche to me half the time anyways). Ugh, continuing. He has not helped my financially since… Oh, well, ever. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. One time he put $300 dollars towards my tuition. That’s being nice too! I rounded that amount… Up. He hasn’t been a real part of my life since I was like, five. Not since he married his new wife, whom I have nothing against.
However, I do have something against a father who does not take part in his daughter’s life and who thinks he has the power to tell her what to do during the summer.
Why would I want to go to his house when all I’m going to do is feel uncomfortable and detached from the family? When I go there, it’s so I can “play” with Ethan, my half-brother. Granted I’m 21. I don’t really want to babysit him. I am trying to live my own life. I’m getting to that adult stage in my life.
Why should I put any effort when he doesn’t? Maybe I should be the better person and put in effort, but I’m not going to. Who is he anyways? I don’t know him, and he doesn’t know me. He probably couldn’t tell you one thing about who I am. And vice versa.
About four years ago, when Cody and I just started dating, we were at my aunt’s wedding. Cody went up to my dad, without me, and started saying how great his daughter was. My dad had nothing to say back. When Cody told me about this, he had tears in his eyes. Because my dad had nothing to say about me.
That’s when I knew I loved Cody. He saw something special in me that my dad never did.
Seriously, my mom might have done some crappy parenting things growing up, but at least she tries. She’s tried WAY more than he has, and I love her so much. But dad, you just really screwed up. I mean, who are you?
I have a rant, and I need to get it out.
First of all, I’m at my great aunt’s right now for a little less than two weeks, waiting for Cody’s graduation. Yes, Cody is finally graduating from West Point! That is SO crazy! Time has flown. Anyways. I’ve only been here two days. Today, I went with her to her prayer group. I dreaded it. Then I got there. It turned out I was living my nightmare. I was in a room of Filipinos (and a couple Italians), and they were all praying. It was the novena and mass in a small house. Okay, for those who don’t know… The novena is like a super-long rosary. Whatever.
So, I grew up going to a Catholic church. Wait, let me fix that. I grew up being forced to go to a Catholic church. Turns out, I dislike it and its ceremonial, repetitious-self. I hope this isn’t offensive.. It’s just religion’s not for me. I think it’s great that other people have it! I just don’t need it, and believe it or not: I’m a good person with morals.
Why should I have to go to these things then? If my (Filipino) grandmother found out I was atheist, she’d probably disown me, which I can’t have. She helps me financially with school a lot. But why does it come down to that? Shouldn’t she just love me for me?
Secondly… Why does she still treat me like I’m a child she can tell what to do? I understand that when I was little I basically had no family. My parents were divorced, and I needed somewhere to stay. That was then, though! Seriously, I’ll visit you this summer, but that doesn’t mean I want to stay at your house all summer to drive you to work. I want to be with my boyfriend! I want to just hang out! I want to just live on my own sometimes, and it’s so aggravating that they think they can just tell me to do this or that. Jeez, let me just do my thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything they’ve done for me! And I love them with all of my heart. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to be controlled. So, asking nicely… Can’t they please just let me be myself? Stop telling me to stay with this person and this person. I can’t do that for the rest of my life. It’s just so aggravating to feel like someone has this string tied around my willpower! I dunno.
She’s so controlling. And it’s infuriating. I’m steaming.
On the bright side: I have 11 more days here. Then, Cody will be graduating!!! Then, I’ll be with Cody for the whole summer (if my grandmother doesn’t try to ruin it for me…). Anyways, that’s it. Sorry.
I’m so unmotivated to do anything school-related. Seriously, I just want to do nothing right now. Well, besides be with Cody, work out, or play video games. Nothing’s wrong with that, right?
I also have to come up with a persuasive speech topic, so if you want to help out… That’d be great. Suggestions are VERY welcome!!
Sometimes, I hate being here. Most of the time I feel like I don’t have any friends. Sure, part of it (or maybe all of it) is my fault. It’s not my fault that I’m not a big people person and I just really enjoy sitting along in my room, watching a movie sometimes. Still, it sucks having no one to go to. No one who really cares about you. I’m not saying that nobody cares about me! They do. Just not enough to be so close. But half the time I’m alone. And it’s just like… Whatever. But it sucks? I’m confusing.
I wish Monica were here. I’m sure that if she were here, we would want to hang out with each other.
But I love Cody! He’s the best boyfriend/best friend in the whole wide world! Too bad he’s going to be gone next school year :( Back to being a long-distance relationship again. Wah. BUT THERE’S SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!
Most of the time, I feel overlooked. Not by my boyfriend. I can’t explain how amazing he’s been. It’s just everyone else in this world.
So, yesterday, I hurt my foot while running. It came out of no where. Ten minutes into my run, it began to hurt a little. I just thought it was my head playing tricks on me because I was lazy and didn’t really feel like running. Forty-five minutes later, the pain was almost unbearable, so I stopped. Then I did some ab workouts. Afterwards, I stood up and begin walking back to my room. Okay. The pain was a little ridiculous. Now I’m limping on a tiptoe like a fool. I went to health services today, and the nurse told me I must have torn or pulled some tendons and ligaments. So, my foots wrapped up. So, does this sound right to anyone? Anyone have any suggestions! I’m open to them!
Thought I was going to be spending a weekend with my boyfriend for our four year anniversary… Thanks, Nemo, for screwing EVERYTHING up. I hate you, Nemo. I hate you so much. I’m going to go wallow in my sadness. And take a nap. And then workout. And do homework. UGH, I HATE NEMO!
IT’S MINE AND CODY’S FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!! So thankful that I’ve been able to spend the best four years of my life with the most amazing boyfriend/best friend a girl could ask for! I’m still loving him with my whole heart four years after our first date! I’m happy that we can still hang around each other and feel comfortable and have fun with one another. That’s the way it should be! I’m glad that we’ve grown together and experienced life with another! So ready and excited for the many more years to come for us :)
Had a guilty day with food. That just means one thing. Well, two. I have to eat healthier tomorrow and work out harder! So excited about my cruise body. I know it will happen :)
Weighed 113 today. That’s three pounds from my starting point. I know it’s not a lot, but it’s something. Plus, I feel myself getting stronger. Thumbs up for exercising and eating right!
Today isn’t that great of a day. I don’t know. I’m emotional.
Okay. It’s been sixteen days into the new year. Sixteen days of drinking only water, exercising daily, and trying to eat healthier.. I’ve done pretty well, if I can say so myself.
Honestly, drinking water isn’t that hard. I don’t drink a lot of soda in the first place. I like drinking water. The hardest part is making sure that I drink however-many-gallons-or-whatever I’m supposed to do every day. However, I’m drinking water, and I’m hoping tht it’s working.
My everyday workouts have been great. Sure, I don’t always feel like doing them, but I always put on my workout clothes and make sure I do my daily workout. I started doing Youtube’s Cassey Ho’s monthly challenge. Seriously, some of that stuff is killer. However! Totally worth it. I feel myself getting stronger, I think. I’m trying to do push ups, squats, and lunges every day. If they’re not incorporated into the Youtube videos. They usually are though, haha. Really though — I look forward to my workout every morning, even if I am super tired or sore.
Food. Probably my biggest problem. I’m not saying that I’m eating unhealthy. I’m trying my hardest to eat correct proportions and healthy foods, and I’ve done a pretty darn good job. However, it’s so hard to turn away from the things that I REALLY want, like that double chocolate chip cookie from Subway. I turned away though, don’t worry. Also, I’m visiting my aunt’s, and I’m only here for a couple more days. However, all the groceries are slowly disappearing… And there’s not much to eat. I won’t allow myself to eat bad foods that are left over, so I’m left starving. It’s so hard. I’m ready to be back to school so I’ll always have salads and fruits and vegetables available to me.
Two problems that I’m encountering:
1) Support! My family is just not supporting me the way that I wish they would. I understand that they aren’t trying to eat healthier, but why can’t they at least understand that I want to feel confident in myself? I want to feel good when I step into my dress for 100th night and my bathing suits when we go on the cruise. I know that I’m not FAT. Okay, that doesn’t mean I can’t eat healthy so that I can get toned or be where I want to be or whatever. The point is… It’s aggravating when you don’t receive all of the support you need. I’m getting some though! Don’t worry! My boyfriend is helping me. He tells me to keep going because it’ll be worth it in the end, which is so true. I’m hoping when I go back to school my friends will be supportive because I need all the support I can get.
2) The time… The patience. I understand that it’s only been sixteen days. I feel better, but I don’t see the results. I weighed about 116 when I started. However, my weight is staying the same. It fluctuates between 114 and 116. However, it’s not staying off. I wish it would… I guess you can’t get magical abs, an amazing butt and legs, and toned arms in sixteen days. I wish you could. I just need more patience because that is what it will take. It will come with time, but I only have so much more time until the dance and the cruise. I hope something happens. I just need to keep working. I will. I will. I will.
I CAN DO THIS! :)
I know I haven’t been posting a lot this past half a year. It was a busy semester. Cody and school. There was a lot. However, I thought I’d let my followers know that I’m going to start posting more fitness pictures and such. So “fitspo” stuff. As much as I hate that word, I’m using it. So, I will post exercises and motivational pictures. My goal for 2013 is to finally have the body that I want. Finally. I’m tired of being uncomfortable in my body. Plus, I’m going on a cruise in March with my babe. I want him to think I look good, and I don’t want to be self-conscious in my bathing suit. SO, PEOPLE… CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME!! By the way, I’ll be posting all my old stuff. This is just new.
Soooo, this year is exciting! Cody graduates from West Point in May. WHAT?! How did these four years pass by so fast? Before that though, so many things… 100th night. I got my dress. I’ll post pictures, I’m sure. My final West Point dance/dinner. So sad, but I’m super excited. MOST IMPORTANTLY: Cody’s and mine fourth year anniversary is coming up! I CANNOT WAIT! I’m aware that you may not be as excited as me, so just bare with me. I love this boy. So much. Also, CRUISE. Can’t wait! It’ll be so much fun (if I lose some weight). Then graduation. Then Cody gets about 60 days of leave. We haven’t had that much time together in foreverrr!!! Then he gets an apartment, and I’m going to stay with him a while before I have to finish my last year of college. Then I can stay with my babe foreverrr
I don’t get on Tumblr much anymore because I don’t have time to scroll through millions of pictures sometimes. I mean, believe me, I wish I did… But school keeps me pretty busy. Well, I will come on here to rant. Cause not too many people who know me follow me. Just a few. And I don’t care if they read this.
NUMB ONE. Okay, some guy posted a status today on Facebook about how “it makes him vomit” when someone posts lovey things on their Facebook. Okay. No. It’s their Facebook, and they can post anything they want! Seriously! He has no place to write that as his status. It’s passive-aggressive and rude. Okay. So, some people think I might be biased since I post things every once in a while. I used to do it ALL of the time. I’ve gotten better. But I don’t care. It is still MY Facebook, and I can post what I want! Because… It’s mine. That’s all. So, DON’T COMPLAIN! Ugh. I mean, I could complain how I don’t want to hear your stupid opinions… But I don’t. It’s just catty. And girly. And you’re a guy, so don’t post that! Just keep it to yourself. UGHHH. People.
NUMBER TWO. I’m 21 :)
I guess, that’s all I actually had to rant about. Just number one… Okay, well. It made me angry. UGH. I’m done now though.
So, I haven’t been able to get on Tumblr much lately. School’s way too busy. Papers, readings, homework… It never slows down. BUT my night class is officially over as of last night, so that’s one less class that I have to worry about for now on. So, hopefully, the people that actually care what I post understand :)
Also, I’m turning 21 in ten days! I can’t believe it! And I’m super excited! I really, really, really can’t wait to get Cody’s present! I hope it’s a good one, haha.
That’s really all I guess? Okay. Well, thanks