P.S. At least Cody comes back in FIVE more days
I’m going to rant real quick before I take a shower and do homework for the rest of the night.
One thing I want the world to know about me: I have been very successful in my high school and college career. Maybe not, extra-curricular activities-wise. but definitely academically. I currently have a 3.94. It’s well-deserved too. I work my butt off to keep my grades up. I read pretty much EVERYTHING that is required for me to read. I never skip readings because I value my education. I do every single assignment asked of me because I know each one contributes to a part of my learning. I value my education. Some people may say I’m nerdy and have no life. I don’t care. I take pride in my ability to do well in school.
Right now, I’m in a news writing course because I’m trying to get a minor in journalism. I don’t know why I added it! Minors don’t even matter. Anyways, this class is a disaster. Not that I don’t think the CLASS could be worthy of my time and knowledge, but the TEACHER is a nightmare. SHE IS THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME IN MY COLLEGE CAREER. She believes herself to be “fair.” My butt. She is the most unreasonable and unfair teacher that has ever entered my presence.
Out of all the grades I’ve received so far, the highest one I’ve got is an 82. AN 82!!! That is unacceptable in my eyes. Also, does she realize how much time I’m spending and effort I’m putting into her assignments? Does she even CONSIDER that? I’m sure she can tell that I’m putting more effort than SOME students in the class. I mean, obviously, I’m not expert news reporter, but that’s the point! I’m a student trying to learn how to become one!
Okay, I’ve done well on the quizzes, but quizzes only count so little.
She claims that writing leads is not like “an algebraic formula.” There are many ways you can write a lead. Well, there are… If you write it EXACTLY the way she writes it. I want to scream. I want to pull my hair out. I hate everything about her.
She makes me not even want to try because nothing will ever be good enough for her. Unless you write exactly the way that she writes.
I don’t apologize.
I may not be able to post this on Facebook, but no one reads my Tumblr. So I’m going to rant. Loud & proud.
I am so frustrated. Angry. Annoyed. Irritated. Furious.
Maybe Insanity will help. I don’t even know.
So tired of everything right now. Why does everything have to go wrong at the same time, am I right?
I despise New York and it’s already chilly weather. I mean, it’s September. I don’t want to be here! Ugh, I feel so bitter.
I despise my news writing class. If that teacher reads her examples to me one more time and asks me if I see the difference between hers and mine, I might stare at her really evilly. I KNOW HOW TO WRITE! I’M A GOOD WRITER!
I despise that I can’t talk to my mom like she’s a normal grown-up, like she’s my mom. I miss our old conversations when she remembered what we had talked about and when she wasn’t imagining things. Seriously, I wish she’d get better.
I really wish I could talk to Cody. That would make everything better. I’m essentially alone up here. Without Cody to talk to, I’m alone. He was the one thing I looked forward to everyday (besides Insanity). Only 12 more days though.
Oh, on a good note: I DID kill the fit test yesterday. I’ll post the results:
I’d like a hug. I hate this week.
I’m back at college for my senior year, I need a confessional outlet. I feel like I pretty much have no one to talk to anymore. So, Tumblr, thank you for lending an ear. I don’t think many people actually read my blog, but thank you, also, to those who DO read this. You probably don’t care, which is fine, but at least you took some time to listen to my thoughts.
So, last Friday, I started my way up to New York from Alabama. I made a short stop to pick up my uncle, and then we stopped for the night in North Carolina. We left the next morning, and we drove the final ten hours of the trip to New York. We stayed the night in a hotel, and the next morning, we picked up my stuff from one of my really good friend’s house (since she keeps my stuff for me during the summers). Then, I was back at school. I mean, I dropped my uncle off to the train station, but other than that. I’m back at school.
Classes have been fine. Except one. News reporting and writing. It’s the teacher. She’s an adjunct. She seemed really great — for the first five minutes. Something happened though. It’s like, she doesn’t smile. I mean, she’ll talk to you, and you think you’ll say something of significance that she would reply to, but no. She doesn’t smile and turns away without saying anything but maybe “mm hm.” I don’t like it. I don’t like her. Otherwise, I’m really enjoying my classes, especially my English ones. I’m currently reading Frankenstein, and I’m only like, 10 pages in, but I LOVE IT!
As I said earlier, I don’t really have any friends here. I mean, I guess I do? I don’t know if I do. I can at least think of one, but it’s not possible for us to talk all the time. We’re both so busy. Most of the time, I feel invisible, like I’m living this life where I have no one or nothing. I eat about 2/3 of my meals alone. Those who know me know that I like my privacy most of the time. However, I miss having someone to talk to sometimes. Maybe not. I don’t know. I just hate feeling so alone.
That’s it. I’m lonely. I’m so far from Cody again. Usually, I’m excited about coming up to New York because I know that means a whole year of seeing Cody on weekends. Now, I know that I won’t see him until Thanksgiving. That’s like, 90 days away. I’m so sad and already tired of school and everything. I really miss Cody. So much! I mean, I was with him for three months straight, which was the most amazing thing in the world. I wish we were still laying on the couch, playing video games, kissing, eating cookie dough, laughing. Heck, I even miss fighting with him. I miss the stupid fights! I miss everything about him. How he sleeps. How he comes up and kisses me. Cooking and cleaning — I mean, who misses that?! I miss our bed and our shower. Everything. Especially him. He’s my best friend… And now, we’re apart until Thanksgiving :(
Also! I forgot my tennis shoes. I NEED THOSE TO WORKOUT! I need to redo Insanity! He better send those to me…
AND I GOT MY ENGAGEMENT PICTURES. In fact, I’m going to post them now, fellow Tumblrians!
I’ve had such an amazing summer!
I’ve gotten engaged, moved in with my fiance, had some really, really great times, and a couple secret things that I’m not sharing! I’m working on planning a wedding! It’s a lot… But I’m so excited! Cody is the best person in the world. I couldn’t have chosen a better person to spend the rest of my life with. Every day, I will love him my hardest.
Even when I’m away for 9 months. Stupid school. One more year of college. Ugh. I don’t want to be away from Cody. Seriously. It’s torturing me. I have a little over a week to be with him. He’s my best friend. I don’t want to be away from him :(
Also… My mom has a new new boyfriend. She hasn’t told me yet. My grandparents told me, but I also found out when she didn’t answer the phone the other day — he did. As far as I can tell, he’s polite. She did meet him in rehab though. I heard he’s covered in tattoos and wears baggy pants. I don’t know. He doesn’t sound like good news to me. I’m scared for her. What if he’s terrible to her? Or helps feed her addiction? I don’t trust this.
Just curious… How many of you have watched Religulous? What are your thoughts?
So excited about the engagement picture session coming up this Saturday! I already have my outfits picked out (in mind). I should double check. Lay out my outfits and my fiance’s… To make sure we look good :) So excited!
Okay. So, my dad sends an e-mail to a bunch of family members today, talking about my little, half-brother’s baseball team or something. Anyways, at the very end, he says: (Carrie, give us a call so we can plan when you come visit us in Nashville this summer.)
I think the last time that I talked to my dad was Christmas. I can’t even remember. He doesn’t try and communicate with me. He obviously doesn’t care about what goes on in my life. Plus, when he does call me, he just hands the phone over to my half-brother (who is a douche to me half the time anyways). Ugh, continuing. He has not helped my financially since… Oh, well, ever. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. One time he put $300 dollars towards my tuition. That’s being nice too! I rounded that amount… Up. He hasn’t been a real part of my life since I was like, five. Not since he married his new wife, whom I have nothing against.
However, I do have something against a father who does not take part in his daughter’s life and who thinks he has the power to tell her what to do during the summer.
Why would I want to go to his house when all I’m going to do is feel uncomfortable and detached from the family? When I go there, it’s so I can “play” with Ethan, my half-brother. Granted I’m 21. I don’t really want to babysit him. I am trying to live my own life. I’m getting to that adult stage in my life.
Why should I put any effort when he doesn’t? Maybe I should be the better person and put in effort, but I’m not going to. Who is he anyways? I don’t know him, and he doesn’t know me. He probably couldn’t tell you one thing about who I am. And vice versa.
About four years ago, when Cody and I just started dating, we were at my aunt’s wedding. Cody went up to my dad, without me, and started saying how great his daughter was. My dad had nothing to say back. When Cody told me about this, he had tears in his eyes. Because my dad had nothing to say about me.
That’s when I knew I loved Cody. He saw something special in me that my dad never did.
Seriously, my mom might have done some crappy parenting things growing up, but at least she tries. She’s tried WAY more than he has, and I love her so much. But dad, you just really screwed up. I mean, who are you?
I have a rant, and I need to get it out.
First of all, I’m at my great aunt’s right now for a little less than two weeks, waiting for Cody’s graduation. Yes, Cody is finally graduating from West Point! That is SO crazy! Time has flown. Anyways. I’ve only been here two days. Today, I went with her to her prayer group. I dreaded it. Then I got there. It turned out I was living my nightmare. I was in a room of Filipinos (and a couple Italians), and they were all praying. It was the novena and mass in a small house. Okay, for those who don’t know… The novena is like a super-long rosary. Whatever.
So, I grew up going to a Catholic church. Wait, let me fix that. I grew up being forced to go to a Catholic church. Turns out, I dislike it and its ceremonial, repetitious-self. I hope this isn’t offensive.. It’s just religion’s not for me. I think it’s great that other people have it! I just don’t need it, and believe it or not: I’m a good person with morals.
Why should I have to go to these things then? If my (Filipino) grandmother found out I was atheist, she’d probably disown me, which I can’t have. She helps me financially with school a lot. But why does it come down to that? Shouldn’t she just love me for me?
Secondly… Why does she still treat me like I’m a child she can tell what to do? I understand that when I was little I basically had no family. My parents were divorced, and I needed somewhere to stay. That was then, though! Seriously, I’ll visit you this summer, but that doesn’t mean I want to stay at your house all summer to drive you to work. I want to be with my boyfriend! I want to just hang out! I want to just live on my own sometimes, and it’s so aggravating that they think they can just tell me to do this or that. Jeez, let me just do my thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything they’ve done for me! And I love them with all of my heart. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to be controlled. So, asking nicely… Can’t they please just let me be myself? Stop telling me to stay with this person and this person. I can’t do that for the rest of my life. It’s just so aggravating to feel like someone has this string tied around my willpower! I dunno.
She’s so controlling. And it’s infuriating. I’m steaming.
On the bright side: I have 11 more days here. Then, Cody will be graduating!!! Then, I’ll be with Cody for the whole summer (if my grandmother doesn’t try to ruin it for me…). Anyways, that’s it. Sorry.
I’m so unmotivated to do anything school-related. Seriously, I just want to do nothing right now. Well, besides be with Cody, work out, or play video games. Nothing’s wrong with that, right?
I also have to come up with a persuasive speech topic, so if you want to help out… That’d be great. Suggestions are VERY welcome!!
Sometimes, I hate being here. Most of the time I feel like I don’t have any friends. Sure, part of it (or maybe all of it) is my fault. It’s not my fault that I’m not a big people person and I just really enjoy sitting along in my room, watching a movie sometimes. Still, it sucks having no one to go to. No one who really cares about you. I’m not saying that nobody cares about me! They do. Just not enough to be so close. But half the time I’m alone. And it’s just like… Whatever. But it sucks? I’m confusing.
I wish Monica were here. I’m sure that if she were here, we would want to hang out with each other.
But I love Cody! He’s the best boyfriend/best friend in the whole wide world! Too bad he’s going to be gone next school year :( Back to being a long-distance relationship again. Wah. BUT THERE’S SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!
Most of the time, I feel overlooked. Not by my boyfriend. I can’t explain how amazing he’s been. It’s just everyone else in this world.
So, yesterday, I hurt my foot while running. It came out of no where. Ten minutes into my run, it began to hurt a little. I just thought it was my head playing tricks on me because I was lazy and didn’t really feel like running. Forty-five minutes later, the pain was almost unbearable, so I stopped. Then I did some ab workouts. Afterwards, I stood up and begin walking back to my room. Okay. The pain was a little ridiculous. Now I’m limping on a tiptoe like a fool. I went to health services today, and the nurse told me I must have torn or pulled some tendons and ligaments. So, my foots wrapped up. So, does this sound right to anyone? Anyone have any suggestions! I’m open to them!
Thought I was going to be spending a weekend with my boyfriend for our four year anniversary… Thanks, Nemo, for screwing EVERYTHING up. I hate you, Nemo. I hate you so much. I’m going to go wallow in my sadness. And take a nap. And then workout. And do homework. UGH, I HATE NEMO!